We have an opportunity in this moment to learn a lesson personally and to insist that our elected leaders do the same. The country is divided, indeed far more divided than the pollsters would have led us to believe. In general, they confidently predicted sweeping margins for Democrats that just did not exist in reality. Without regard to why those pollsters were wrong and without casting aspersions on their motivation, we must accept the reality that about half the country deeply disagrees with whichever partisan view we personally hold.

Further, we must accept the reality that we’ve done nothing, as a society, to bridge the deep gap in thinking that exists. Both sides tried everything in this election to convince voters of the perfidy and bad intentions of the other side. The discourse from the candidates themselves fell to the level of schoolyard taunts in the so-called first debate, which actually left me feeling dumber for having watched it.

As for “coverage” of the election, one could quickly determine the point of view of any given outlet, journalist, or commentator as we lacked any coherent, comprehensive, and fact-based reporting on the candidates, their records, or the issues that matter. Under such conditions we merely demonize the other and create echo chambers that amplify our own notions: we do nothing to engage with and understand the other.

Of course, one might argue that such a gap cannot be bridged anyway. One might argue that our politicians, political parties, and media reflect, rather than create, the deep difference in culture between the Red and the Blue. One might (merely to take a representative example of the Blue and Red polar ideologies) posit that secular humanism simply cannot exist alongside a theocentric worldview. One might, quite convincingly, cite threatening statements from the firebrands of one side or the other as proof that Red or Blue adherents want to destroy their opponents’ reputations, livelihoods, or basic freedoms. Indeed, whether by rioting or stockpiling weapons the Blues and Reds give ample evidence of mutual hatred and distrust.

I suggest that we each, as individuals, reject this paradigm. That rejection requires both a conscious decision and actual work.

The decision part involves a choice to open one’s mind to the possibility that the other has honest motives and acts in goodwill for humankind. It means deciding to lower, if only by a fraction, one’s own very well self-justified guard as a sign of openness to dialog. We cannot even begin to talk if we continue to excoriate each other from behind our respective shield walls like medieval warriors.

The work part involves putting oneself in the shoes of the other in a very real way. I suspect that many of us have the lived experience of telling someone else about a problem, only to have them say, “I understand. That happened to me….” Then that person tells us what happened to them in a way that neither responds to our situation nor gives any indication that they heard what we were talking about.

Rather, they turned our experience into a parable justifying their own point of view and actions. I think that we could agree that we don’t turn to that person again for advice or counsel, as we no longer trust them to provide either.

And, if we are honest, we also recognize that we have been that bad counsel and that we have turned the experience of others into enabling us to be the hero of our own story. In other words, when we confront the deepest corners of ourselves, we see that we have been the badly counseled and the bad counselor.

What to do then?

Seek common ground. Seek it upon whatever mundane foundations you can find.

I’m reminded of “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” by Deep Blue Something. The singer laments:

“You’ll say that we’ve got nothing in common

No common ground to stand on

And we’re falling apart

Our lives have come between us

Still, I know you just don’t care.”

But, the singer finds common ground in the seemingly mundane movie of the song’s title:

And I said, “What about Breakfast at Tiffany’s?”

She said, “I think I remember the film

And as I recall I both think we kind of liked it.”

And I said, “Well that’s the one thing we’ve got.”

As much as it sounds silly to seek wisdom 1990s pop songs, I do see wisdom here.

Rather than focusing on that which divides us, let’s focus on what we do have in common. We’ll never bridge the deeper divides if we can’t find ways to relate to one another as people. If we think about our own lived experience, it’s a lot easier to find common ground on big things when there is common ground on small things first.

So, let’s find those small opportunities and embrace them.